Tag Archives: zumi

An Outside Opinion

the bee: I think you need to get out of the house more. It’s good for you. On the inside and out.

me: (peeks face out from behind open refrigerator door) I get out of the house (SNAP! *crunch*crunch*crunch*) …sometimes.

b: I mean somewhere besides the supermarket or the library.

m: (half-chewed orange substance sprays from mouth and freckles fridge door handle and shirtsleeve) Ai THIK yer fergaeg…

b: No…

Going to the drive-thru at the bank doesn’t count as “getting out”. Not really, anyway.

m: (uses open fridge door as make-shift ballet barre; *plié* *ronds de jambe* *plié* *relevé* *plié* *ronds de jambe* *plié* *développé* !!!)

I was going to say “the mayonnaise”. You’re forgetting the amount of mayonnaise that we consume in this house. I don’t think it’s fair to discredit my trips to the supermarket. I need to restock, like, bi-monthly.

If bi-monthly means what I think it means, which is to say I don’t know what it means and ANYWAY, where else am I SUPPOSED to go? (SNAP! *crunch*crunch*crunch*)

b: I dunno… ANYWHERE. Just go for a drive, get lost, have adventures, have FUN!

m: Do you have any idea how depressing that sounds? (waves a baby carrot in the air to emphasize the enormity of the issue) Who the hell wants to be out in public ALONE? It’s humiliating. The last time you told me I should go to the park because it was a beautiful day I did and it was a complete disaster. (SNAP! CRUNCH.)

b: Don’t you think calling it a “disaster” is a bit dramatic?

m: Ummm, NO… (baby carrot now inches from the nose of the offending conversationalist; half-chewed orange substance airborne and within range to fleck the shirtsleeves of others)

…I peeled off my cinch waisted pants and forced my hair into something resembling a trampled beaver’s den, though a thoughtfully maintained one, all so I could end up sweaty and looking pathetic while trying to find someplace isolated to sit and read my book.

Being amongst all those smiley, happy couples and families was honestly the most alone I’ve ever felt…

(dispiritedly grande pliés into the cold embrace of the refrigerator; crumples on the floor nestled between the ketchup and cold cuts where her mind transports us through a vast and trippy memory telescope/photo album type-thingy into… the recent past)

*****

I wandered aimlessly…

I took some pictures…

Lonely, DEPRESSING pictures…

I encountered 2 girls with a dog who happened to be hanging out in a shady place by the path I was on and I was pretty sure they were staring at me and laughing so I took this picture, which isn’t really of anything but it saved me from having to look them in the eyes while being publicly ridiculed…

Then I ended up getting kind of lost…

Honestly though, this rendezvous with desolation was the most welcoming moment the afternoon had offered so far…

So I decided to take a load off and just relax. I started messing with the camera to see if I could remember how to use all the different functions.

I couldn’t…

So I took a few not so great pictures…

Until…

Ahhh… That’s better…

I found some red in a tangle of green and brown…

A weeping, gnarled monster reaching skyward from its grave….

And not far from there, finally, a nice comfortable place to sit and read my book…

*****

b: How utterly… nightmarish.

m: I know. It really was.

But do you know the worst part about going out? What I would consider the ultimate in human degradation?

b: Ummmm…

Being harrassed by religious fanatics?

Feely airport security guards?

Not being able to cool yourself while simultaneously abusing precious home energy resources?

m: Close. But no.

b: Then what?

m: Eating in public. (closes fridge door and pirouettes out of the room)

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under (me), just a thought..., the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #25

All images were captured by the bee between July 11th – 17th with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

Click here for things including, but not limited to, sink-cat and an infuriatingly bizarre phone conversation.

Leave a comment

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #24

All images were captured by the bee between July 4th – 10th with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

sooooOOOooooo emo...

Click here for additional patriotism & true American spirit.

Leave a comment

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #23

Sooooooooooooo… the bee has been slacking. 

You should go visit him and tell him as much because obviously just the amount of guilt he gets from me isn’t enough. 

Plus, I’m kind of tired of being “the nag”. Now it’s your turn

I’m not saying I’m the most motivated person either. I usually have trouble just convincing myself to brush my teeth on days when I don’t come into contact with others. 

So… 

Since I’ve given you a taste of stinklefritz’s newfound love, I thought I’d give you some photographic evidence to back that ass up. 

I caught him like this: 

So I thought I’d see what he’d do if I turned on the faucet he loves so much WHILE he was still in there: 

either this cat loves water or he's INCREDIBLY lazy. or both.

Let’s take a closer look, shall we? 

* 

* 

* 

* 

* 

 

 

 

If I can teach him how to turn off the faucet when he’s finished… I think I’ll give him a set of keys to the house.

4 Comments

Filed under (me), best of the rest, home, projects

Weekend Bee-ject’s #22

All images were captured by the bee [(unless they involve flags-a-flyin’ or bee’s-a-smilin’) then I tooks them] between June 20th – 26th with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

stinky hearts the sink

Click here for additional photographic mindsplosions.

5 Comments

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #21

All images were captured by the bee between June 13th – 19th with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

Click here for more eyes a-blazin’.

Leave a comment

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #20

All images were captured by the bee between June 6th – 12th with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

Click here to continue having your socks rocked.

1 Comment

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #19

All images were captured by the bee (except when they’re of him or, you guessed it, cats) between May 30th – June 5th with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

Click here to have your mind blizownified with more awesome.

2 Comments

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #18

Though not typical, this week’s batch of rejects all happened to take place down the shore or on our way there. Here’s to the unofficial start of Summer!

Thank Jebus…

All images were captured by the bee between May 23rd – 29th with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

Go to bee3six5 for more tiny camera majestification.

***

To maintain the subtle, yet consistent this is MY blog now, bitch feline theme of the past few weeks, a bonus picture:

silent film star: Scott McKitten

4 Comments

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee

Weekend Bee-ject’s #17

All images were captured by the bee between May 16th – 22nd with a Digital Harinezumi V.2:

Go to bee3six5 for more photo-fantastacularity.

1 Comment

Filed under best of the rest, projects, the bee