Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas for the Recently Unemployed and Habitually Underpaid

Halloween is right around the corner, kitty cats and if you’re anything like me you wait until the absoLUTE last-minute to decide what the hell you’re wearing for the big day. That is why I have constructed this brief, yet immeasurably helpful, guide to turning something everyday into something uniquely Halloween-y.

Be a hipster zombie!

First off, this works incredibly well if you already happen to BE a hipster. For one you can just say you’re going as a zombie and, for two, you already have enough v-neck t-shirts and skinny jeans to start your own sizeable army of ennui, so clothing yourself shouldn’t be a problem. If you happen to be the antithesis a hipster, fret not. Get thee to a thrift store, post-haste!

If thrift stores are out of your budgetary range for this season’s scare-fest think familial! Do you have grandpa? Grandpa’s have an EXCELLENT assortment of ironic hipster garb so if you’ve got one, watch him CLOSELY. Hipsters are lurking everywhere just waiting for the moment to strike and steal that oversized cable-knit sweater with the mothball smell that won’t come out.

Now for the zombie part. Get some red lipstick and dark eyeshadow and apply liberally to your face parts. Go for gaping head wounds and festering sores, blood dripping from the mouth and eyes will really set you apart from the other store-bought zombies. If you ARE a hipster, obtaining said face-paint should be rather easy since most hipsters live within yelling distance of their mommies anyway. If not? Real blood and bruises work just as well too.

Be a human lint-brush!

If you have a cat, like I do, then you know that cats shed copious amounts of hair. Usually on places like your clothes or bath towels so that when you go to dry yourself off after a nice hot shower you find yourself coated in a fine layer of sweet kitty cat fluff and dander. Since it is a well-known fact that cats enjoy sitting on a freshly dried set of clean clothes, first wash your clothes (choose dark colors if your cat is light-colored and vice versa if your cat is dark) dry them in the highest heat, set down on the couch, chair, bed or table of choice and let the magic begin!

Before you know it, Mr. (or Ms.) kitty cat will be snuggling and leaving their fur mark all over your freshly laundered! Once the hair transferral process is complete, commence wearing said outfit and off you go! You have become the human equivalent of a walking-talking lint-brush. Other party-goers won’t know what hit them! Unless they’re allergic to cats. Then your presence will basically be like a sucker punch to their sinuses.

Be a pile of leaves!

Where I live, the ground is currently covered with fallen leaves that will eventually just get collected into large trash bags or burned in autumn bonfires. I say: Why waste all that potential costume fodder by handing it over to the garbage gods?! It’s time to put to use all the crafting options around us.

Since dead leaves are like nature’s velcro, this is probably the easiest cheap Halloween costume to construct. Step 1: Put on some clothes. Step 2: Go outside and roll around in the leaves. The leaves will adhere to your clothes and hair with ease. It’s like the two of you were MEANT to be together this way. Once an adequate amount of rotten foliage is stuck to your person you are ready to go!

Now, for those of you who live in slightly more temperate climates during the colder months and don’t have fallen leaves readily accessible to your person, I suggest you then go jump in a lake. Or the ocean because you probably still can since it’s like 85 degrees wherever you are.

Assholes.

**********************************************

In other news:

A photo of mine was recently featured over at Indie Ink for their Autumn Writing/Photo Contest and I’m super proud and flattered to be included so make sure  you hit them up and check out all the awesome submissions!

Also…

A TRUE ghost story of mine has been published over at Midwestern Mama Holly’s blog. The past week on her site has featured real-life stories of the strange and paranormal from some of her readers and they be FREAKY. So, go forth! and be prepared to be scared!

Hot Rod Halloween

thanks to Russ & Jen for capturing this moment

This year I put in more effort in the creation of my Halloween costume than in any year before. The biggest difference had to do with the fact that I literally had to de- and then reconstruct my costume from the ground up. It was a daunting task but I really feel the end result was worth all the pain and suffering. You may remember this image that I posted a few weeks back showing the base of my costume in its original state.

I have to start by giving love to The Lonely Island Fan for his AMAZING step by step how-to that he posted last year for the creation of his own Hot Rod costume. He put a ton of effort into the detail of his, making it a spot on replica of the suit used in the film. Mine is close to the original but time constraints and plain old laziness left me with a slightly less than perfect carbon copy. I can live with that.

To start, the navy blue piping had to be removed from around the waistband of the original suit and transferred to the sleeve cuffs.

I purchased both patches online through separate vendors as the “Tony’s Auto” patch had to be special ordered through a company called Stitch-A-Logo. I recommend them highly, as the first patch they sent me was defective and they had a replacement patch out to me within 2 business days at no additional cost.

Next, came one of the hardest areas of the costume to complete and that may have been partly due to my own poor planning. The piping on the sides of the legs and sleeves required that I rip the seams out of the under arm and inner thigh areas of the entire suit in order to use a machine to sew the stripes down. Initially I’m thinking: Kill me now. In reality it was well worth all the extra effort as it allowed me to trim away some of the unnecessary cloth in those areas for a better fit.

The star was easier than I thought it would be as The Bee printed me out a star the size that I would need for the suit and I just traced that onto the fabric. Because stars are hard to draw freehand, ya’ll. Once the star was traced I took to the machine and sewed the layers together. I used about 4 layers of a basic (non stretchy <—- I cannot emphasize that enough) white cotton fabric, which I sewed together for greater ease when sewing the star onto the suit itself.

Tackling the cape was a tough and tricky task but without which I would say all of NO ONE would have known who the hell I was. I made the mistake of buying a stretchy t-shirt material fabric for the red lettering which spelled out ROD and basically had to scrap my initial attempt and recreate the letters with left over material from the red arm piping. The stretch material created too much pull and my machine skills being less than professional, made for a lumpy overlapped mess. Then I cut button holes in the top of the cape and sewed buttons just underneath the collar of the suit for easy on/off capability. Get it? Capeability. Yeah, I went there.

The final touch were the white stars which I created by using a stamper sponge that I bought in an inexpensive package of miscellaneous brushes from AC Moore. I had to cut the star out of the sponge with an Exact-o knife and it came out surprisingly well, all things considered. I used some screen printing fabric ink and stamped stars down the red and blue piping as well as a few on the chest and front and back of the upper sleeve.

The Bee went as a Ghostbuster and made this awesome ghost trap as an accessory to his costume. From scratch! This thing was a pile of cardboard, bottle caps and batteries before he gave it the magic touch.

I was also super impressed by these bloody finger cookies that a friend’s mom made for our party.

How cool and CREEPY are they?

Have I mentioned that Halloween is one of my favorite holidays? Because it SO is.

Can’t wait until next year!!!