Tag Archives: hipsters

Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas for the Recently Unemployed and Habitually Underpaid

Halloween is right around the corner, kitty cats and if you’re anything like me you wait until the absoLUTE last-minute to decide what the hell you’re wearing for the big day. That is why I have constructed this brief, yet immeasurably helpful, guide to turning something everyday into something uniquely Halloween-y.

Be a hipster zombie!

First off, this works incredibly well if you already happen to BE a hipster. For one you can just say you’re going as a zombie and, for two, you already have enough v-neck t-shirts and skinny jeans to start your own sizeable army of ennui, so clothing yourself shouldn’t be a problem. If you happen to be the antithesis a hipster, fret not. Get thee to a thrift store, post-haste!

If thrift stores are out of your budgetary range for this season’s scare-fest think familial! Do you have grandpa? Grandpa’s have an EXCELLENT assortment of ironic hipster garb so if you’ve got one, watch him CLOSELY. Hipsters are lurking everywhere just waiting for the moment to strike and steal that oversized cable-knit sweater with the mothball smell that won’t come out.

Now for the zombie part. Get some red lipstick and dark eyeshadow and apply liberally to your face parts. Go for gaping head wounds and festering sores, blood dripping from the mouth and eyes will really set you apart from the other store-bought zombies. If you ARE a hipster, obtaining said face-paint should be rather easy since most hipsters live within yelling distance of their mommies anyway. If not? Real blood and bruises work just as well too.

Be a human lint-brush!

If you have a cat, like I do, then you know that cats shed copious amounts of hair. Usually on places like your clothes or bath towels so that when you go to dry yourself off after a nice hot shower you find yourself coated in a fine layer of sweet kitty cat fluff and dander. Since it is a well-known fact that cats enjoy sitting on a freshly dried set of clean clothes, first wash your clothes (choose dark colors if your cat is light-colored and vice versa if your cat is dark) dry them in the highest heat, set down on the couch, chair, bed or table of choice and let the magic begin!

Before you know it, Mr. (or Ms.) kitty cat will be snuggling and leaving their fur mark all over your freshly laundered! Once the hair transferral process is complete, commence wearing said outfit and off you go! You have become the human equivalent of a walking-talking lint-brush. Other party-goers won’t know what hit them! Unless they’re allergic to cats. Then your presence will basically be like a sucker punch to their sinuses.

Be a pile of leaves!

Where I live, the ground is currently covered with fallen leaves that will eventually just get collected into large trash bags or burned in autumn bonfires. I say: Why waste all that potential costume fodder by handing it over to the garbage gods?! It’s time to put to use all the crafting options around us.

Since dead leaves are like nature’s velcro, this is probably the easiest cheap Halloween costume to construct. Step 1: Put on some clothes. Step 2: Go outside and roll around in the leaves. The leaves will adhere to your clothes and hair with ease. It’s like the two of you were MEANT to be together this way. Once an adequate amount of rotten foliage is stuck to your person you are ready to go!

Now, for those of you who live in slightly more temperate climates during the colder months and don’t have fallen leaves readily accessible to your person, I suggest you then go jump in a lake. Or the ocean because you probably still can since it’s like 85 degrees wherever you are.

Assholes.

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In other news:

A photo of mine was recently featured over at Indie Ink for their Autumn Writing/Photo Contest and I’m super proud and flattered to be included so make sure  you hit them up and check out all the awesome submissions!

Also…

A TRUE ghost story of mine has been published over at Midwestern Mama Holly’s blog. The past week on her site has featured real-life stories of the strange and paranormal from some of her readers and they be FREAKY. So, go forth! and be prepared to be scared!

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The (mis)Adventures of Lenny & Lloyd: Lloyd’s Dilemma

if  you can’t read/see the images just click on the pictures…

For the first in the Lenny & Lloyd series, click here.

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Filed under (me), projects

Hey! NYC?! You can SUCK. IT.

Last Friday we headed on over to evil-hell-succubus-town* New York City to attend some highfalutin super-swank gallery exhibit on Harinezumi photography at the New Museum. As you may already know, the bee has been posting exclusively from his Zumi since he started his blog back in January. Of course, if you’ve been following his blog you also know that, sadly,  All Zumi’s Go To Heaven… 

Anyway… 

the bee was alllllllllll sorts of excited, and I can’t say I blame him. Here was his first/maybe only chance to hob-knob with other Zumi enthusiasts, view their photography, sneak some shots of celebs, network and more than likely embarrass ourselves. 

Because that’s how we roll, yo… 

This was an exclusive invite only exhibit but the bee had gotten the go-ahead from one of the organizers to come on over. 

How-EVER, the guy warned that, so far, the event had received 4 times the amount of RSVPs that they could accommodate. 

His suggestion? 

Get there are early as possible. 

Since it was scheduled to start at 6:30 we knew we would have to haul ass if we planned to make it in time. 

We both sped home from our mind-numbingly awful 9-5 prisons of doom jobs that afternoon with the intent on leaving the house no later than 5:30. 

That part of the plan? 

TOTAL success. 

For once in our lives it looked as though we were actually going to be on time/early for something! 

Uh-HUH 

After sitting in bumper to bumper traffic just waiting to get into the Holland Tunnel from New Jersey, what started as us making good time, quickly turned into us realizing the inevitability of our defeat. 

Once we FINALLY made into shit-city we found ourselves in a veritable cluster-fuck of cars that seemed to be having some sort of block party in the middle of the street because god KNOWS they weren’t in the business of actually GOING anywhere. It took us another 30 minutes to maneuver through the labyrinthine gridlock until we finally made it to the New Museum… 

at 7:45. 

This is what it looked like as we made our approach: 

 

Some well known facts about hipsters: 

Hipsters like to wear sunglasses. Even at night. 

Especially at night… 

 

 

All I really know is these folks were ded-i-CATED because they were lined up to get into this place 2 blocks deep by the time we got there. 

So, 

we did what we had to do! 

We cut our losses and went back home… 

Turns out we regretted that choice almost immediately once we found ourselves sitting in traffic, yet again, just to get back into the tunnel to New Jersey. 

It was at that moment that I asked the bee: 

Can we, like, NEVER not EVER again come back to this place? 

Because it was then that I realized, most un-popularly, that I… ? 

Do not love NY. 

who's laughin' now, bitch?!

 Not even slightly. 

I toyed with saying that I hate NY but thought better of it because that would be giving that *place more emotional investment than it deserves. 

***** 

In a true move of the ironic… 

guess who dressed like a total hipster that day? 

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Filed under (me), just a thought..., the bee