I, Me…

… do solemnly swear that I:

• like turtles

• will not do sit-ups on the bed and count that as “working out”

• need to start looking more closely at the food that I pick up off the floor before I put it into my mouth

• will stop eating cereal right before laying down for bed… Guurrgh, MILK BELLY… *gurgle*gurgle*blorp*mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrobbbbbbbbb*

• should kill less bugs starting now for the karmic benefits. Retribution for all the senseless years of slaughter CAN start today…

• must cease and desist from being such a GD MFing internet hipster snob and just effing WRITE again and not give an effing eff about the shitty shorty shirtsleeves I think I’ve been dealt which cripples me and makes me want to see if I can outsleep my cat or all the brazillion reasons I have for not doing it and doing something else or usually just doing nothing and then feeling overly guilty about it instead of just “normally” guilty and basically just be a human-GD-being. Who writes. On the internet. When I’m not too busy self hating and being depressed about nothing and everything all at once. JK! LOL! OTFLASLOLFOJ!*

The End.

*on the floor laughing and simultaneously letting out little farts of joy!