… do solemnly swear that I:
- like turtles
- will not do sit-ups on the bed and count that as “working out”
- need to start looking more closely at the food that I pick up off the floor before I put it into my mouth
- will stop eating cereal right before laying down for bed… Guurrgh, MILK BELLY… *gurgle*gurgle*blorp*mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrobbbbbbbbb*
- should kill less bugs starting now for the karmic benefits. Retribution for all the senseless years of slaughter CAN start today…
- must cease and desist from being such a GD MFing internet hipster snob and just effing WRITE again and not give an effing eff about the shitty shorty shirtsleeves I think I’ve been dealt which cripples me and makes me want to see if I can outsleep my cat or all the brazillion reasons I have for not doing it and doing something else or usually just doing nothing and then feeling overly guilty about it instead of just “normally” guilty and basically just be a human-GD-being. Who writes. On the internet. When I’m not too busy self hating and being depressed about nothing and everything all at once. JK! LOL! OTFLASLOLFOJ!*
*on the floor laughing and simultaneously letting out little farts of joy!