1. Think about topics for blog posts.
2. Write blog post which is nothing more than an arbitrary list of ways to further procrastinate on wedding plans only to realize that creating the list is ALSO an awesome element of avoidance of said topic!
3. Make plans to sit-down and figure out wedding plans but never actually follow through with those plans.
4. Map-out an extensive cross-country road trip itinerary that JUST HAPPENS to coincide with the proposed date of nuptials.
5. Think of new names for the cat (that already has, like, 3 too many):
- Stinky Winkerbean
- Stinking Butt
- Mr. Pants
- Mr. Monkey Man
- Meep Meep
- Balki from Mypos
- Lil’ Lenny Lemur
- Ling Ling the Lion
- Carl (jk! only a lunatic would name their cat Carl…)
6. Schedule yourself for non responsive sedation a few days prior to the event, with explicit instructions left for friends and family to “carry on without you” and another set for doctors to wake you the day after it’s all over.
7. Cling to the flimsy hope that on the day of the wedding you can just show up and someone will have taken care of everything complete with guests jumping out from behind shrubbery shouting “SURPRISE!!!”
Wash, Rinse, & Repeat until you finally get your way and the bee and your joint army of step/half/thrice removed relations will have to accept that all the headaches and hysteria pomp & circumstance of a traditional wedding ceremony is just not for you so can’t we just head on down to the county courthouse, sign some papers and then come home and take a nap?