This post is about slutty monkeys. Not really. Well… kind of.

I tried.

I really, really tried to think of a good topic for today’s post.

Alas, I have nothing much to speak of so here goes…


Often when I can’t think of anything to write I think of the act of blogging in itself. Then I start to feel kind of weird. You see, blogging for me started as a way to reconnect with my creative self after years and years of self-imposed oppression. This blog started as a bit of a diary, a bitch & moan fest where I could unleash all my negativity so I wasn’t taking it home and dumping it on the bee. Instead of crying at my desk during lunch, I would spend my hour writing or reading other blogs, getting laughs and inspiration. I really have nothing but good things to say about this whole endeavor.

Except that I wouldn’t be (me) if I didn’t have a healthy dose of complaint to add to the sauce…

So here’s the thing:

Blogging can become an addiction. It typically starts slow and gradual where at first you are just SO excited to post things that it doesn’t really matter if anyone knows or cares or even reads it. You enjoy the way blogging makes you feel.

Free! Powerful! In Control!

It’s a magical time and then, one day, you get a comment…

No, not one from your mom or your best friend, but a comment from a total stranger. A person who doesn’t know you but for SOME unknown reason likes you.

This is exciting! You feel even more empowered because now you have a follower. Someone to hang on your every word who throws you a thumbs up when you’re finished with all your ranting & raving.

Initially this is awesome. Most people like to be liked and admired. 


With this exposure comes a great burden: expectations. Expectations put upon yourself BY yourself and the new expectations of your reader(s). All of this creates a great deal of stress and self-doubt. Two things, which are basically crippling to one’s sense of self-worth and creative mojo.

What follows this initial descent into madness (because you might not know it yet, but that’s totally what’s happening) is the realization that your follower(s) will, likely, at SOME point, drift away from you, perhaps forever, leaving you an empty, hollow, shell of your former self.

Your already minute and withered level of self-esteem begins to plummet rapidly to an even lower low than even you thought imaginable.

You think you suck.

You think people hate you.

You feel alone and betrayed.

And that, my friends, is when you start to get ANGRY.

You start going through your blogroll and removing people who don’t have you on theirs. You start a silent protest of blogs that no matter how many times you leave a comment they just will NOT comment back. You believe yourself to be a one woman army of destruction and pride yourself on how much your actions matter (they don’t).

The swift decline of your mental state due to reduced blog traffic/commenting does not bode well for the rest of your web-life either.

You may take to Facebook and begin un-friending those who simply REFUSE to acknowledge you for all your incomparable brilliance.

Who needs ’em, RIGHT?!

You begin regressing to a childlike state of jealously and rage anytime you read a blog that has more comments than yours (which is basically ALL. OF. THEM.) and now only read blogs so you can compare yourself to others which ultimately ends with this inner monologue:

What the FUCK?! My blog is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than such-and-such (no it’s not) how come so-and-so gets all the glory?! That’s it! I’m finished! Screw Innernet! Screw Blogland! If they can’t appreciate me for all my FANTASTACULARITY then I’ll take it somewhere (no such place) where somebody will!

And so on, and so forth…

One major thing that I have neglected to mention is the nagging obligation you have to yourself to employ wholly immodest levels of desperation during this time.

Falling to your knees in desperation and screaming towards the heavens that your blog is the best is key to regaining your sanity and finding your humble nature once more. Becoming desperate can often work in your favor but it most definitely comes with a price.

You see, those who buy into your desperation for love and accolades usually do so out of pity or out of sheer want to quiet your needy yammering once and for all. Others, those who have something called DIGNITY, will often ignore your pleas for attention and instead will write you off as a hack and a wackjob and the chances of you ever regaining their respect are slim to none.

The realization of all this should wake you from your delusions and provide you with a newfound strength to create new, better, fresher content so that those who may have ignored your cries initially will only kick themselves later for not “knowing you when”.

Oh yeah, and so you can regain your own sense of pride.

Something like that…


You could take my approach and continue to bottom feed and pimp yourself out to any ho that will have your pitiful ass.

Oh, and never stop creating tasteless masterpieces via your PC’s crappy Paint program:


Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, you’re welcome…



Filed under (me), just a thought...

8 responses to “This post is about slutty monkeys. Not really. Well… kind of.

  1. Dude! I have felt the exact same way. I used to be able to spend all day commenting and reading at work, but now I have a new job where i actually have to work and also live, and so as a consequence of not being able to comment as often, I’ve lost like 50 readers. THOSE MONKEY SLUTS!


    but seriously i feel ya.

    and even more so? You got some mad paint skills! Seriously!

    • UGH!
      i so know what you’re saying. if only i could get paid to read other folk’s blogs bc i would fucking ROCK at that. i try not to take it TOO personally anymore when someone i read and comment on never does so back. just bc i like their blog doesn’t necessarily mean they have to like mine.
      that being said…
      as interweb comrades they should know that a blogger’s main source of sustenance is comments and denying us only makes us cranky and vindictive.
      like, hellooooooooo…

  2. Um….. I love you. AND you’re on my blogroll.

    P.S. I like the monkey sluts.

  3. I’m leaving you a comment right now so that you will stop torturing those monkeys. It’s not fair to take it out on them.

  4. “..The swift decline of your mental state due to reduced blog traffic/commenting ..”


    The swift decline of my mental state is why I started blogging in the first place.

    Maybe it’s just me.

  5. I’d click the “Like” button if facebook didn’t own that shit.

    Also, I’m aroused by the monkey sluts.

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