Allie is Awesome

If you read the post before this one you know about my recent unravelling due to our weekend power outage, etc. I am not even going to pretend that losing electricity was the only thing that caused my mind to rapidly degenerate, because truth be told, most days it takes a LOT less than that to stir my crazy. 

For instance! 

This past friday, I had what I would consider, a fairly extreme melt down after I couldn’t get in touch with the bee during his lunch hour. 

Let me preface this with saying that the bee and I talk EVERY SINGLE DAY during his lunch, without fail, even if it’s just for 2 seconds so I can scream into the mouthpiece “CAN’T TALK NOW! BUSY! PS – YOU SMELL! BYE!”. 

So on this particular day, his lunch hour approached and when 15 minutes into it, I still hadn’t gotten the call, I started to get nervous. 

At this point, I am still fairly rational, so I decide to call him and see what the hold up is. 

No answer. 

Ok, no problem. I’ll just get back to work and keep occupied as best I can so as not to allow my brain to start thinking the worst like it automatically does no matter what other reasonable explanations may exist for his absence. 

At around half past the hour, I am really starting to lose it. 

I have now convinced myself that the bee has perished in a violent car crash due to the rain that started mid-day and his now lifeless body is partially submerged in a ditch just inches from his useless cell phone that won’t stop playing the theme song to The Office because I’ve gone fully mental and all I can seem to do is hit the redial button. HALP! I is going KA-RAAAAAAAAAAZY!

After sending numerous frantic text messages pleading with him to just “please call me because I’m really starting to get worried” and “if you’re alive, respond already DAMMIT!” and finally “you don’t have my permission to die!” 

I went from looking like this: 

hmmm, that's strange...

to this: 

fully losing it

About 10 minutes later this happened: 

slack jawed & rocking

It was the bee. He left his phone at work! Not deads!!! 

HAPPY DAY!!! 

Except the damage had already been done and I was still pretty worked up from envisioning horrible death-type scenarios. 

Next, I started pouring over older posts on Hyperbole and a Half because Allie is riDONKulously funny and I figured this might snap me back to normal. It was starting to work but like any truly desperate soul who needs the immediacy of her sanity returned like YESTERDAY I decided I should just write Allie because she’s super cool and totally non-phobic of emails from deranged strangers. 

Also, I really wanted my own MS Paint monster. 

And guess what?! 

Allie emailed me back because she’s made of awesome/felt bad that I was a crazy lady. 

And guess what else?!!! 

I GOTS ONE!!! 

my cheer-up monster made by Allie

So the moral of this story is: 

If you’re feeling less than “all there” and even the voice of your very much not-dead fiance’ does not curb your crazy, then you should really go read this blog because it’s great and Allie is awesome and she might make you an MS Paint drawing of a monster if you prove via email that you are emotionally unstable. 

Or just because she’s awesome. 

The End.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Allie is Awesome

  1. ZOMG. I want to make that my screen-saver.

    I love Allie, too.

    And also? Re: post above this one: I’ll be coming back here for more AI evals. Right on the money.

  2. yay!
    i better get cracking on that post already. im sort of avoiding it bc of how mind-numbingly AWFUL most of last night’s performances were…
    my recaps are steadily becoming less about the show and more about my mental deterioration due to watching it.

  3. Pingback: Dining with Slob-zilla: The OCD Wackjob « me and the bee

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