Brokedown Carcass

I’m pretty sure a bug crawled in my ear and died. You wanna hear what’s even worse than that? It happened in October

wait for it…

of 2008.

personally, i think the sunglasses are a *bit* much

I even went to the doctor not long after I started having weird issues which included a rushing sound and then a *POP* when I would bend over. Also, when I would shake my head “no” I would get this rattling noise inside my head. The Bee suggested that I become more positive.

I didn’t think that was funny.

The doctor clearly thought I was nuts at my assumption that an insect had crawled inside of my ear and died. I know this because he told me so. Actually, I believe he used the word  “nut-job“. I told him he might be singing a different tune if he’d seen Brokedown Palace, because Kate Beckinsale’s character had a cockroach crawl in her ear and die while she was sleeping and it made her all crazy and I’m pretty sure that was happening to me and frankly, that would explain A LOT.

I always had ear problems as a kid. I would get swimmer’s ear from taking too long a shower and I couldn’t go into any body of water without using those god-awful silicone earplugs for fear my ear holes would drown in liquid pollutants. Those earplugs also did wonders for my social life. Not only did they look fabulous but I was always the center of attention since I was constantly repeating “WHAT?” and “HUH?” at high volumes until people realized that they’d need to stand an inch from my face for me to understand what they were saying.

And that tactic is what I like to call “How to Successfully Reel in Friends”

OR

“How to Successfully Alienate Yourself From Others and Become Publicly Mocked by Your Peers”.

It’s really a matter of how you wanna look at it.

Anyway, my left ear is all sorts of effed. Between the bug that crawled in there and DIED, which, now that I’m thinking about it, could be seen as a good thing since other pontential residents would likely see the dead guy in there and head for someone else’s ear hole. Because bug or no, who wants to set up shop in a place so filled with death? Oh, wait. This guy.

On top of that, I had a particularly nasty bout of tonsillitis, which I’m pretty sure I never fully recovered from, just months prior to the insect suicide, so now the left side of my body from the neck up is basically in need of replacement.

So here’s what I need:

  • left ear (refurbished) w/ all parts included
  • left throat section, including tonsil (non-smoker preferred)

And here’s what I can give in return:

  • left ear with bug carcass inside (in otherwise very good condition)
  • left throat section, mostly damaged (for donation to “science”)
  • my sincerest thanks

Also, if anyone has green eyes and freckles that they are looking to get rid of, I am definitely interested.

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2 Comments

Filed under (me), just a thought...

2 responses to “Brokedown Carcass

  1. I just so enjoyed reading your blog and frame it both scholastic and interesting. I hot pants be ineluctable to bookmark it and bull-whip it as oft as I can.

    Thanks

    Bernice Franklin

    UGG Boots

  2. Emmy

    Don’t ever let your head under the water without protection.

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